Need a New Scale

I really need a new scale. Today is my weigh in day and I know my scale isn't exactly accurate so I put it in a few different places on my bath room floor and weigh myself. The first number was 226.5, then 227.5, then 228.5, then back and forth between 227.5 and 228.5. Anyway I decided to stick with the higher number so then my number next week will possibly look bigger.

"Raw Foodist"

The title I'll be striving to become I've found is called Raw Foodist. Aaahhhhhhhhhhhhh. I don't really know why, but it's kind of a relief that I found that title.

I didn't realize that I hadn't posted for over a week. I'm sure it's partially because this past Wednesday I was again looking online to try to find the title I should use. Knowing I wanted to try to eat all raw I was looking for raw recipes. I know I need to find a replacement for bread and crackers. I'd heard of flax crackers and was looking at recipes on You Tube and found quite a few demonstrations on them. The third one I watched showed the name of the lady's website at the bottom. It said, greensmoothiegirl.com. I opened her home page in another tab, but continued watching her youtube video. Before she started the demonstration she started talking about the benefits of flax. The main one she mentioned was that it helps with Depression. I actually had to pause it because tears started to well up in my eyes. I don't know how else to explain it other than I am "A Sensitive". I use to be embarrassed when I would feel the "Holy Ghost" because I always cry. But now I know it's the way the Holy Ghost confirms to me that what I'm hearing is true. So what I'm saying is that I got that distinct feeling that the Holy Ghost was confirming to me that what this lady, Robyn, was telling me was true and that if I would follow what she said that I would receive the results I desire. I continued to watch the video and then found many, many more youtube videos done by Roby Openshaw and watched almost all of them. I spent almost all afternoon watching these videos.


One of the main reasons I want to eat an all raw diet is because I believe our Heavenly Father put fruits and vegetables on this earth that give us the nutrients we need to live a healthy disease free life. It is man who is causing disease through a non-nutritious diet.


Now obviously her main concept of diet is that she blends most of her veggies every day into a smoothie. This is kind of ironic since my very last post I said I might eventually try green smoothies, but didn't think it would be anytime soon. Oh I didn't tell you the best part yet. Robyn is an ACTIVE BLOGGER. I've looked at a lot of Vegan, Raw Vegan, etc. blogs and none of them were active. And here is the cherry on top of my fruit smoothie (no more sunday's kids sorry...tehehehe). SHE LIVES IN UTAH (which is where I live). She is about an hour and a half away, but totally doable. She holds classes at the local whole food stores, and is also holding a retreat this May.

On top of all of this I found out right before the deadline that she was holding a contest to find someone to do a makeover on (I'm assuming a health makeover). You had to submit a video on why you think you deserve this health makeover and she would give you free of charge her 12 steps to Whold Foods Compete Course and the BlendTec Total Blender. Oh my goodness!!! Do you know how long I have wanted one of these? Well ever since I'd heard of them about 2 1/2 years ago. Then the green smoothie girl would put you on the pilot of their TV/Internet Series, GreenSmoothieGirl Makeover. You would be able to have free private coaching from Robyn. Aaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

I need the help so very much! So I actually made two videos even though they said only to make one. The first one was just to show the silly side of me. I called it The Un-Super Heroes and the GreenSmoothieGirl. I should have named it In Search of the GreenSmoothie Girl. Currently it's posted to my family blog. Thinking back I should have posted it here. I guess it was my depressive embarrassed self that wouldn't let myself post it here. I tell all here and I'm a little more conservative on my blog. Anyway pop over to my family blog http://www.bishopsbiz.blogspot.com/ to view both videos.

Anywho...I gotta go try to finish making the flax crackers so I can get rid of this darned depression. Toodles!

OPRAH went Vegan for a week!

Today's Oprah was that her and her whole staff went Vegan for one week. Although it wasn't as far as I'm trying to take my diet it was pretty interesting. I do like the direction they were going in. They are going to have their lunchroom do Meatless Mondays. They will also have at least one entree every day be Vegan.

In watching and listening to the show I learned something about myself that I hadn't realised before now. I LIKE TO CHEW! I've always had a large appetite. I want to chew most of my calories or at least two of my meals every day need to have a lot of bite to them. I eat HUGE salads for lunch and dinner every day which gives me that CHEW that I desire. I've read quite a few raw vegan blogs and herd what people say on Peer Trainer that are Vegan and they all talk about putting veggies in their smoothies. I know one of these days I will eventually try it and I might be converted, but for now I am pretty grossed out by the idea. I like veggies (with ranch that is), and like I said before I like to chew my veggies. My husband and I aren't wealthy and the more kids we have and the older they get the poorer I feel. Along with that food is a huge cost that I find hard to think about liquefying a food that I like perfectly well in it's natural form.

Pretty good day despite some interesting news.

FORECLOSURE is a huge word that everyone has heard of but no one knows what it really means. I've finally been informed of some new news that isn't necessarily good, but at least we finally know the truth. We were lead to believe that after the auction at the courthouse that we'd have 90 days to still sell the house and not have the Foreclosure show up on our credit...WRONG! It most likely has already shown up on our credit. We were also never told that there was a deadline to when we'd have to submit the application to do a Deed in Lieu instead of having it go to Foreclosure. We submitted that application too late and Fannie Mae had denied the request for deed in lieu. So now the 90 days they told us about is a Wyoming Law and is for IF we had a 2nd mortgage that would let us refinance, or if we wanted to come current with the mortgage it was to give us the time to do that. For a boat load of reasons those options aren't possible and so now I'm hoping that this 90 days doesn't mean that we'll have 3 more months of late payments on top of the Foreclosure. Man I hate that word. On top of all of this our mortgage company First Interstate Bank never notified us that the Short Sale was approved. Once the short sale is approved that is the start of the short sale. They only allow the short sale to go on for 90 days. Then they never notified us that the short sale was over and since we had stopped paying we were already in the foreclosure process. I'm going to call Fannie Mae tomorrow to see what they have to say and see if they can help me, because I would like to make sure we don't also have to have another 3 months of late fees on top of the Foreclosure.

Will This Time Be The Time?

Well I broke my big toe on my left foot in the beginning of November. My podiatrist gave me permission to start exercising right before Christmas, and I haven't started yet. Boo. I recently started eating Fit for Life again, and am logging it on Peer Trainer again, but I am still struggling with feeling any self worth. I saw myself slipping further and further into a depression and I let myself do it. I gained all the weight I lost after I gave birth to Gavin and then some.

It's hard to list all the things I've been struggling with but I'm going to do it, because I don't know how else to let myself heal than to just put it out there.

#1 Our house we bought in Buffalo, WY has just had the auction happen, and now we have three months left to still see if we can sell it, and if we can't it will be on KJ's credit as a foreclosure.

#2 My son Kermit is a huge headache in our (my husband and myself) lives right now. If I had the patience and budget Kermit and I should both be going to counseling. I've never had such a temper than with him. He doesn't obey anything we ask him to do. He constantly teases his brothers. He constantly whines until he gets his way. He tells us when he doesn't get his way, "this is why I don't want to be in this family, or that he just wants to die". I know what you're thinking. Oh my gosh Sheila, this is serious. You need to get him to a doctor. And I should. We did take him to a Counselor about a 1 1/2 years ago and he simply said he's just a hard child. He doesn't have Defiance Disorder (which is what I asked the doctor if he had), and he doesn't have ADHD, which is what 2 of his teachers thought he might have. Besides, I don't believe in medicating kids, or adults for that matter. I myself have been to multiple counselors and been on multiple medications for depression and none of them have worked long term. They work for about 2-3 weeks, and I go back and tell the doctor and he tries me on another one until I give up. Well, I've given up on medication long ago for myself (not to mention that I don't believe in it). Long story short is this counselor I took Kermit to essentially told me that I would have to learn different parenting techniques and use them on Kermit and find which one works on him. I should read and look into these techniques further, but haven't' taken the time yet. Who has the time when they have 4 other kids they have to worry about. It's easier to pretty much give Kermit his way and not have to fight and argue with him until he's blue in the face whining for what he wants until I end up giving it to him just to get him to shut up. Wow, I really hope no one actually reads this stuff.

#3 I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. My parents brought me up in this religion. I started quite young rebelling against certain parts of the religion, but always felt it was true, just wanted to feel like I was the one making the decision and not that it was because my parents were forcing me to do it. Again, long story short, I have not been going to church lately and feel like there is a part of me missing. A big reason I don't go anymore is because of my husband and also my son Kermit who complains every time we go. I'm afraid. I'm afraid that if we don't start going soon that it will become something that we will either never do again, or not do for a long time. I'm afraid of my parents. I believe they will shun me. I've done quite a few things that they are unaware of from my past that they would be very unhappy about.

#4 I'm lonely. I don't have any close friends that I hang out with. I don't feel like very many people understand me. I don't like people to feel bad for me. I do get together with my mom and sisters once/week, but I feel like an outsider. I don't put much input into the conversations. They almost always talk about someone and put him/her down every time we get together and he/she doesn't deserve the criticism they give him/her. I feel very bad for this person who gets criticized and wonder if they do the same to me when I'm not in the room.

#5 I still don't know how to totally let go of all of the hurt feelings I still feel from my failed marriage. I in no way want to EVER get back with this person, just so that's straight. I just feel hurt. I feel like part of my heart has broken and I don't know how to repair it. I feel like he took it and ripped it and stomped on it and I'm just shattered. It's not a new revelation. I've known for sometime that in alot of ways I'm damaged goods. If KJ ever refuses to eat what I've cooked I'm like a little child and will refuse to cook for quite some time. I don't want to list them all, just know that that failed marrage left me a broken person.

I really want my Heavenly Father to waive his hand and take all of these pains away from me. I know he can. I'm just supose to have the faith, but I feel like my faith has been broken also. How much pain can one person endure. If I could just give at least half of these pains away I would hope to be forever greatfull. Well, with all of the tears aside I am going to start exercising and hopefully make it all the way this time. I've given my big toe more than enough time to heal.

Reasons I Can Loose It All This Time:

1. I've lost 50 of it before and know it can work.
2. I am a good person and I do deserve good health.
3. I want to be in good health to enjoy my children, my husband, and ENJOY LIFE TO THE FULLEST!
4. I understand what is good healthy food and know that a little slip up doesn't mean I'm quitting.
5. I am learning to love myself and in turn will be able to love those around me more fully!