I am dedicating myself to loosing my unhealthy weight. I am starting this blog to document, to gain support, and to remain accountable to my weight loss journey.
Friday, May 8, 2009
I know I'm talking to myself but it really saddens me that no one in my immediate group of friends/family seems interested in supporting KJ and I in our weight loss journey. My habbits are like a yo-yo. Even though I know I'm talking to myself I'm going to start being brutally honest. I need to confront reasons why I give up on exercising and eating correctly so I can change those things. I know one of the reasons I don't exercise is because I feel so overwhelmed with house chores (that seriously never that done). It's not it seems like there never done, it's that I DON'T DO THEM. I am a depressive person and put them off untill it's totally unbearable to go any further without doing them. I know this is utterly disgusting. I feel like a worthless person because I let it get this way. Whenever I do try to get some minor task done I know I must do it quickly because my somewhat improved mood does not last long. When I say these thinks out loud in my head the reasons why I get so fed up and grumpy that I give up for that moment trying to accomplish something it sounds stupid. But I don't care about sounding stupid anymore. I want to fix myself and make me better and if this will help by me writing down things that have made me give up for the moment or the day I'll do it and risk looking and sounding pathetic. Just now I bonked my leg on the dishwasher. I knew I was going to start doing this so I sat down. My kids are another reason. Primarily Kermie. They can bug the living daylights out of me. Just now Kermie was leaning against me and he was wiggling a little hammer against me and it bugged me so much I practically felt my blood boil inside my head. This sounds pathetic. Maybe I have some kind of adversion to kids. I'm allergic to kids. OK, I said I was going to be brutally honest, and I meant it.
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2 comments:
Testing, Testing, 1, 2, 3. Someone told me they couldn't post a comment on my blog, so I'm conducting a test...this is not an EMERGENCY! Hehehe.
Hey, I found your blog via peer trainer.
Gosh, I know exactly how you feel. I only have one 2 year old girl and am the same way. I often find myself escaping to the computer world just to "get a break". When in all reality I have been taking my break most of the day. I make excuses so I don't get my house clean or do exercise. Usually it is because my daughter is sleeping and I don't want to wake her. If she is awake, my excuse is I should be spending time with her, which, as you can tell from my previous statement isn't happening either. If she interrupts my me time or doesn't go down for her nap like she is supposed to, I lose it.
Flylady.com has helped me come around on my cleaning habits a little bit. They are all about just taking little steps to keep your house clean. I still get overwhelmed by the amount of cleaning they say to do, even if it doesn't take long. But, I'm getting better.
As for my daughter, I have a new goal of playing with her for at least 15 min. (really... I don't feel like I know how to play, so I don't do it).
I hope it helps a little to know that there is someone out there who feels the same way as you do. Maybe we can support each other to become the women we want to be.
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